Two days after a pay day I’d waited thirty days for, I sat in the Wendy’s line. I debated back and forth, get a lemonade or not. I felt the dollar and eighty cents it would cost rolling around in my account, remembered how many times I’d kicked myself for the moments of drought and if I’d been more frugal I would’ve survived the drought without having to ask for help.
I didn’t order the lemonade. I got my cheeseburgers, praised God for the chance to have a harvest again and that I could provide for myself again as I pulled up to the window.
“Hey, do you want this? The customer before you decided they didn’t so we have an extra strawberry lemonade.”
My heart stopped.
“Thanks it’s my favorite,”
The cashier smiled at me. I drove away, sipping the drink happily.
“Remember you don’t provide, I do.”
God always talks in my car.
“You provided the job that I could’ve done more with to make ends meet [so that I could] get through this,” I said to Him.
“I didn’t say you worked until the ends met, I said I provided.”
His words gnawed away at the anxiety that had sat as king of my stomach for the last two months.
There is a deep truth in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Jesus Christ.”
At the end of two months of trial I began to count miracles in place of pennies. Miracle: There’s gas in the car. Miracle: After a month of being sick I’m healed. Miracle: My grades didn’t suffer even though I missed most of my classes for the entirety of November. Miracle: I’m plugging into a family for the first time. Miracle: My relationships are stronger than they’ve ever been. Miracle: I’ve learned to ask for help and let people see my weakness. The miracles just kept getting higher and higher, a pile precariously high that reminded me: If your God doesn’t exist then your life doesn’t make sense. If your God is lying about what He has for you, then this whole house comes down.
The words on my spirit were: I’m still here. Because Isaiah 41:10 says: “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
The miracles kept coming to mind so loudly and so resolutely that I couldn’t hear the little accountant in the back of my head tearing her hair out anymore because quite frankly, it didn’t matter.
As the holiday season comes, as financial burden stacks, as medical bills appear, as tribulations and trials come against us, just remember that we serve a God who has promised to never let us go out of the palm of His hand. “So do not fear, for I am with you“
And in the moments of fear, the storms of despair or anxiety, remember it’s not a bad thing to count all of the things going on in your life, but make sure that next to it you begin to pile up the blessings that God has given us. There is a deep comfort in really reflecting on a list that grows daily. No matter how many tribulations come, the depth of God’s love is always larger and God will always provide.